Desperate Boston cop makes his plea for baked goods

My apologies to you all for the scarcity of columns over the summer. I hope to increase my weekly ramblings as the fall season emerges. But truth be told, over the past year or two I’ve had an increasing feeling of disrespect at the Dorchester Reporter. I don’t get any extra pay for performing this additional task. No invitations to company picnics or Christmas parties, nothing so much as a breakfast Burrito. Nothing, nada, zilch, the big goose egg, but yet I’m expected to submit a column at least twice a month if not more.

I’ve made this complaint in years past, but still noting. Hey it’s just human nature to feel wanted or at least acknowledged by the powers that be. I let my feelings be known to a very good friend of mine that I’ll only call Mr. Moss, I mean Mr. M. He told me that I was being disrespected and that my only course of protest was to hold out, to only send in a column once in a while. The public would tell me privately that they wanted more, but cold stone silence from the hierarchy at the Reporter. So as a gift to my readers, including Mary from Pats Pizza in Lower Mills, I give you the following and to the Forrys I’m really not looking for anything. Not even a breakfast Burrito, but a pumpkin pie would be nice! From a Dorchester bakery of course!!!

August 27, 1:15 p.m.
Please don’t tell me that using pot doesn’t effect your brain cells or lack thereof. Officers responded to an Alpha Road residence to investigate a residential alarm. On arrival the officers observed the front door ajar and climbed the porch stairs to investigate. At this time a young man came from around the side of the house stating that he lived at the address, had forgotten his keys and had set off the house alarm when he crawled through an unlocked window. Nevermind, offsetting penalties, rekick, thanks for coming by. But being wiley officers they asked the young man for identification that showed he resided there. But all he could come up with was a Mass I.D. with a Plymouth address. No keys, no identification, no property inside, nothing that showed he lived at the home. But the suspect insisted that he resided on Alpha Drive!

The idiot couldn’t even give the address he was breaking into, right. He was arrested and charged with breaking and entering in the daytime as well as a small amount of pot found in his pockets. At this time the officers entered the home to do a protective sweep of the apartment to search for any additional suspects or possible incapacitated victims. They were met with an overwhelming odor of marijuana as well as a black rifle laying in the hallway corner in plain view. Also in plain view were several red Solo cups with a green pot plant growing out of them as well as bags of pot in plain view atop of tables in two different rooms. The scene was ‘frozen’ and a search warrant was sought. While the officers awaited the pending warrant, the two real residents of the home arrived to a very big surprise. Once the search warrant arrived C-11 detectives found 30 one-pound bags of pot, a few smaller bags of weed, two scales disguised as a CD case and an ipod phone, a book on how to successfully grow marijuana and a black Grossman .177 pellet rifle with scope. The 24 and 25-year-old roommates were charged with distribution of Class D substance in a school zone, all because one of their customers just couldn’t wait any longer to get his “buzz on.” Three idiots.

June 16, 5:58 p.m.

Well the suspect in this case can’t say he wasn’t warned. This is a first! A Sudan Street landlord was notified by neighbors that they had observed a local homeless man around his property. So the landlord, somewhat familiar with the suspect, left the following note attached to the front of his home “Dear Larry, I have filed a police report against you for breaking and entering on Sudan Street. All the neighbors have been notified that if they see you on my property they will call the police and have you arrested. Stay away!” Now either Larry is totally illiterate or he is totally a moron, because a short time later he was spotted by a neighbor climbing up the back porches. Your local constables were called and we found Larry hiding in a second floor apartment and arrested him for breaking into a home he was warned ahead of time to stay away from. Some people.

August 16, 11:52 p.m.

Officers responded to a Talbot Avenue home for a report of a man kicking in the basement door. Once on scene the lady of the house stated that a man she had never seen before kicked open the basement door, entered and was still inside. When the officers went in they found a 36-year-old Dorchester man standing up against a wall, hands in the air and it was quite obvious to all that his bladder had evacuated all over his blue jeans. He stated that he broke into the cellar because he was running away from the cops, problem was we weren’t’ chasing him. Nimrod. He was arrested and given a towel to dry himself.

Finally thanks to all those who helped in any way to make tomorrow’s Kaitlyn Keaney Scholarship Fund Golf Tournament at Franklin Park a success. Special thanks to the organizers - Officer Pat Byrne and Tommy Noto. God Bless and thanks for making some good out of something so awful.