After arson, robbery, clueless suspects hang around

When we last met I made mention of the fact that I had recently turned 50 years of age. I also playfully surmised that I was approximately 18,250 days old. Well my Suffolk University, masters degree in higher education, smart-arsed son Patrick exclaimed “Dad, don’t forget the 12 leap years during your lifetime. You’re actually 18,265 days old.” Thanks, son, you’re out of the will

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Men, I am convinced, are the stupider of the two genders, and women are usually the victims of our stupidity. As follows:

Sept. 1, 8:24 p.m.

Officers arrived at the Alvan Terrace address shortly after receiving a call for a man armed with a knife. A man and woman were standing outside near a gray Chevy with four flat tires. The woman pointed at her neighbor and exclaimed, “He stabbed my tires.” The 32-year-old neighbor stated that in fact he had nobly stabbed the woman’s tires because “she was falling asleep” after some illegal drug use and he didn’t want her driving. Well Brainiac, if she was falling asleep, then she wouldn’t be driving anyway, comprende? While arresting the dunce, officers located a small silver Leatherman knife, which the suspect admitted he had “used that to slash her tires.” Really, Sherlock.

Aug. 31, 12:08 p.m.

Two hours earlier there was a report that her ex-boyfriend had come by her Talbot Avenue apartment, borrowed her car, and did not bring it back. Around noon, the 21-year-old ex came strolling back, put a blanket on the stove, and turned on all four burners. The fire department responded and contained the small fire to the stove. Members of the Arson Unit also responded and were interviewing the victims when one of them pointed to the suspect who had, astonishingly, returned to the scene and was enjoying his chaos. When the Arson detectives approached the suspect, he pushed one and ran toward Washington Street. He was finally tackled on Wentworth Street where he resisted by violently biting a fire lieutenant in the left rib area, breaking the skin, and injuring another detective’s leg. The nitwit was charged with 12 different offenses. Did I mention he was freed from jail on Aug. 19? Rehabilitation!

Sept. 4, 9 p.m.

Officers responded to an Everton Street address for a report of a robbery. At the scene the victim stated that he was approached by two young men, one armed with a baseball bat, who demanded his money and valuables. While the suspect wielded his bat, the other patted down the victim and stole his wallet, and Ipod. The victim was asked if he could identify either of his attackers and he replied, “yes.” In fact, he stated that one of the suspects lived across the street and was standing at that very moment on the second floor porch watching them. The juvenile (16) jerk was soon arrested for armed robbery.

Sept. 10, 10:53 p.m.

Officers from the Youth Violence Strike Force were conducting a traffic stop at the corners of Norton and Bowdoin streets when a 21-year-old neighborhood nitwit came walking down the street yelling, “The police better move out of my way when I come through,” for no apparent reason. He then entered a liquor store and exited moments later, repeating quite loudly, “Police better move when I come through.” That was when one of the officers noticed a silver knife clipped to the buffoon’s belt, and decided to have a chat with the young man. But the man didn’t want any part of the Po-Po and he started yelling all kinds of derogatory remarks at the officers and became somewhat disorderly. Which resulted in his arrest, ruining his weekend.