And the fruit punch carton was his weapon of last resort

Happy New Year one and all, and here’s a “mini-column” for your inspection:

Dec. 26, 2:36 p.m.
Anger management indeed. Officers responded to a call for a report of a vandalism in progress at an Arcadia Street address. On arrival they spoke to the victim who stated that he was playing a video basketball game with his “baby’s mama’s cousin.” When he prevailed against the cousin, he said, the cousin (a known sore loser) went berserk, cutting the power cord, bending the couch’s leg rests in the wrong direction, and pouring juice all over the gray parlor set, soaking it. When the officers confronted the suspect he was armed with an empty carton of Minute Maid Fruit Punch. Calling Jerry Springer! The baby’s mama’s cousin was arrested and charged with destruction of personal property over $250.

Christmas Eve, 4:44 a.m.
On this most holy of nights two abrasive neighbors just couldn’t get along. The third-floor neighbor called the BPD to complain about his second-floor neighbor, who ended an argument by pulling out a 12-inch black-handled knife and threatening him with it. When officers arrived at the Peabody Square three-decker, they spoke to the suspect who stated that he had been sleeping and didn’t know what his adversary was talking about. That was when the officers spotted the large black-handled knife lying on the table behind him. Oh, yea, that knife. The suspect was arrested for assault by means of a dangerous weapon. A 47-year-old boy.

Dec. 28, 11:04 p.m.
A Pleasant Street family was enjoying a peaceful night in their second-floor apartment when suddenly there were several loud bangs against the rear door followed by a male voice bellowing, “I’m coming to get you, Doug!” Folks, no Doug resides there. While the victim’s wife was on the line with 911 the suspect continued to boot the door until his entire right leg burst through the door panel. The husband quickly grabbed hold of the unknown suspect’s leg while he tried to extricate himself from the doorway. During the struggle. the husband ripped the suspect’s right boot off his foot, freeing the suspect from the victim’s grasp. As Boston’s finest arrived they confronted a drunken 32-year-old from West Newbury with one boot on running from the rear of the house. The victim was standing on his porch holding the other boot which he tossed down to the officers ,sealing the suspect’s fate. Drunk-O the clown was charged with unarmed breaking and entering.

Our next Monthly Meeting will be on Thursday, February 10 at 7 p.m. Location TBA.