Each story has its own “special ingredient”

Back from vacation, still in relax mode. I must admit I’ve been “lax” when it comes to writing this column. I usually compose it during the weekend, but in the last year I’ve kinda gotten myself hooked on some of the Food Networks shows, which cuts into my writing time. So this week I’m going to do this column in conjunction with my favorite food show, Chopped, and give you the “special ingredients” of each story.

June 8, 2:36 p.m.

Okay, let’s open our baskets. Inside we have two low lifes, observant neighbors, a Ford F150, and the Atlantic Ocean. Officers responded to a radio call for three males walking into the backyards of homes in the area of Savin Hill Ave. and Old Colony Terrace. Before arriving en masse, the officers received a second call that they were now breaking into a home on SHA. On arrival, the suspects were seen fleeing across Morrissey Blvd. One of them actually tried to high jump a Ford F150 pickup, but ran into the side of it, rolling onto the hood, and cracking the windshield. But without missing a step, he kept on going across the boulevard and onto the property of the Savin Hill Yacht Club. The second suspect bolted across Morrissey somehow dodging oncoming vehicles like a real live game of Frogger.

But if he kept going he couldn’t avoid running onto the beach and into the ocean. So instead of trying to swim away, he decided to hide away among the pilings under the yacht club. He was soon in handcuffs. The 18-year-old Dorchester felon admitted that he was on probation out of Roxbury Court, which became evident when officers found a GPS tracking bracelet around his ankle. Meanwhile, officers were searching the inside of the yacht club for the other suspect. As they entered the bathroom, they spied a pair of stockinged feet sticking out of the last stall that belonged to a 20-year-old Roxbury lad whose pockets were stuffed with watches and rings, including a gold colored commemorative US Army ring, that were taken in a couple of housebreaks. Both were positively identified by the callers and both face several felonies. One crazy call.

May 1, 2 a.m.

Let’s open our basket of ingredients to find Italian food, incredible stupidity, and a vanishing man. A Lyon Street man came home to find a stranger sleeping in his bathroom and a pizza missing from the fridge. Upon being awakened, Goldie Dot fled the scene, but he forgot to take with him his cell phone, and jacket and medication in the suspect’s name. A warrant has been issued for breaking and entering. A good old Dorchester Fairy Tale.

June 28, 9 p.m.

Finally in the dessert round, we open up our baskets to find a handgun, an idiot, and Aquaman’s wardrobe. Several calls and the Shot Spotter sent officers scrambling to Columbia Road and Glendale Street for several shots fired. Witnesses on scene stated that two clueless losers had a running gun battle down Columbia Road, with several rounds recovered from two different guns. One of the suspects fled on foot on Glendale Street toward Hancock Street wearing a distinctive neon-lime green shirt which made him look like an electric Kermit the Frog. He was quickly spotted on Hancock Street, and when he saw the approaching officers, he grabbed his budge and started running. As he ran he pulled out a .22 caliber handgun and yelled, “But I was the one getting shot at!” You can’t make this stuff up. The suspect dropped his firearm and was arrested. The gun had two live rounds and six spent casings in the chambers. This gunman was charged with four felonies. The other suspect has yet to surface.

Editors’ note: National Night Out is Tues., Aug. 2, from 5 to 8 p.m. at UMass Boston. Shuttle buses will run from JFK station and any BPD district station. See you there.