By James W. Dolan

"I feel like I was run over by a train. All that effort and now I re-join my old running mate, Mike Dukakis, as another guy from Massachusetts who couldn't get it done. He handled it with class. I should call him.

"All my life I was seeking this opportunity. I finally got it and came up short. This is going to hurt for a long time. You only get one chance at the brass ring. I can hardly believe it's over. Where do I go from here?

"I first need some rest. The campaign has taken a lot out of me. Where to go? Thanks to Teresa, we have a few choices. I'll at least finally be able to shed this Secret Service. I can't remember the last time I was alone.

"It hurts to think I let so many people down. I got to get over that. So I'm not going to be president, but I'm at least a senator. How's it gonna feel being back in the Senate? I cringe at the thought of all those well-meaning expressions of sympathy.

"John Edwards didn't bring me one state, probably a bad choice. The state Supreme Court tied that gay marriage decision around my neck. Shouldn't have listened to those who advised running on my Vietnam service.

"Gotta stop looking for others to blame. It's over, deal with it.

"It really hurts to see my family so disappointed. They gave it their all. What an expression of love. I only wish I could have rewarded them with victory. I feel like I failed them.

"Gotta find something to fill the void. I've been driven so long by ambition; it'll be hard to find a substitute. Up to now everything has been filtered through this now not so glorious quest. If that's being calculating and opportunistic, I guess I'm guilty.

"I can't think of a better lesson in humility than the one I just had. Look at Ted, he's been through the mill and is still effective. He's become the consummate senator - respected and even beloved for the graceful way he carries his scars. Being a senator is going to have to be enough for me as well. I need to get better at it.

"The president worked me over pretty good in the campaign. It'll be a while before I get over that. But if John McCain could forgive him after the beating he took in South Carolina in 2000, then I suppose I eventually will. Wish we had more like McCain in the Senate.

"For the sake of the country, we've gotta stop the partisan bickering. I should get more involved in that effort.

"God, help me get through this! If I was off the reservation on things like abortion and gay marriage, please understand I was trying to find a way to be compassionate and tolerant in a pluralistic society. It's increasingly difficult to be a successful politician - at least a Democratic politician - and rigidly apply some of the church's teachings.

"As president I could have addressed many of the social justice issues for which the church stands. I believe my party best represents: 'Whatever you do for these the least of My brethren, you do for Me.' To get there you've got to get elected. That's the dilemma.

"It's time to bury my ambition. Hereafter, I devote myself to causes - the least of which will be how will it further my career. Some will find that a refreshing change. So should I. It got awfully wearisome at times.

"It was a good run, few have gotten this far. It'll be a relief to jettison some of the baggage that that goes with ambition. No longer will it be the frame of reference by which I measure almost everything. Hopefully, I can accomplish something meaningful with this new found freedom.

"I was oh so close. If I had only … there I go again.

"Where's that windsurfing board?"

James W. Dolan is a retired Dorchester District Court judge who now practices law.