By Ann McGough

Having children changes everything. This is true on many levels. It changes our sleeping patterns; eight hours of sleep as opposed to eight hours of sleep in two-hour increments. It changes our eating schedules; three square meals as opposed to a granola bar and tea while standing up reading the paper for breakfast, a snack-size bag of animal crackers and a diet Coke for lunch, and a sensible dinner. It changes our showering habits - e.g. "I think I hear yelling - shaving legs and conditioning hair will have to wait!"

It changes our socialization. I now see my friends who have children when we get meet up at the park and, for the most part, I really don't see my childless friends. The friendships are still there and we are determined to get together soon, but they work during the day and their after-work dinnertime coincides with my "tubby time, story time, and bedtime."

I now see gray. There is not always a right way and a wrong to do things. Sure, there are some guidelines like "don't let your kids eat ding-dongs for breakfast unless you are on a road trip" and "always tell the truth unless you are trying to get everyone in bed before the 'Sopranos.' Then you may lie and say it is already past midnight." I now see that most people, myself included, are just trying to do their best. We just want our kids to grow up to be good, productive citizens, who love and are loved. Everyone deserves that.

And as I watch the news and read the headlines in the newspaper about gay marriage, I think, "What if that were my child?" I know someone who committed suicide. People speculated that it was because he was gay. I remember telling a friend that I couldn't understand it because homosexuality had become so accepted in society. My friend replied, "It is still not accepted in every family." We can debate the issue all we want. The bottom line is people deserve the right to be happy. End of discussion.

Will two people of the same sex getting married make a mockery out of the institution of marriage? In certain instances, that may happen, just as there are heterosexual couples that do the same. But there are also couples who have been living together, working together, raising children together, and making a life together, lovingly, for decades, who deserve to have that love validated.

Opponents of gay marriage often refer to the Bible for evidence that it is wrong. But Christ stood for tolerance and love, not judgment and hate.

I will admit that 10 years ago, five years ago even, I did not think that gays should be able to adopt children. It was too weird for a child to have two moms or two dads, I thought. But, there are children being abused, neglected, forgotten, and ignored by "regular" heterosexual couples. For a child to have two people who love them, and take care of them, and stand up for them is a beautiful thing.

Will the world be worse off because of this? There was a time when people thought the world would be worse off because a group called the Irish were infiltrating the city of Boston, because women could vote, because black people could sit down on the bus, because girls could play sports.

Separate is not equal, not when it comes to my kids, or anybody else's.

Ann McGough's column appears regularly in the Dorchester Reporter.