It’s been a while. Glad to see that while I’ve been gone, Dorchester’s stupidest criminals were hard at work being, well, stupid. All of these little ditties occurred quite recently and all involve people saying or doing incredibly stupid things. Enjoy.
June 30, 3:49 a.m.
Officers Fabiano and Tran responded to a radio call for a one-car accident at 725 Morrissey Boulevard. On arrival the officers observed a black Ford Explorer with substantial front-end damage as a result of hitting a concrete pole. Sitting behind the wheel was the vehicle’s owner, a 42-year-old Dorchester woman. The officers asked the woman for her license and registration and the woman stated, “I’m on my way to work and I’m just trying to get a cup of coffee,†which normally would be a legitimate excuse except this time the woman was in the drive-through at a Citizens Bank. After putting the vehicle in the “park†mode, the officer s asked again for the woman’s license and she finally produced her work ID and insisted that it was her license. Strike three came soon after when she was asked if she had been drinking and she stated “no†even though the plastic water bottle next to her was filled with red wine. After refusing to perform any field sobriety tests, she was assisted, staggering, to a nearby cruiser and later charged with several driving offenses. Mistaking a bank for a Dunkin’ Donuts, that’s a new one on me.
July 5, 2:30 a.m.
Officer O’Brien was minding his own beeswax traveling down Neponset Avenue when a black Mercury Sable containing three females and without its headlights on, swerved into the cruiser’s path. Officer O’Brien managed to avoid a collision and caught up to the offending car at Agawam and Train Streets. He asked for the driver’s license and the 30-year-old Dorchester woman handed over a license belonging to a South End woman. After a quick check, it was learned that the woman didn’t have a license at all and her driving proved it. Because the woman’s two female passengers didn’t have licenses, either, the officer informed the driver that she would be summoned to Dorchester Court (instead of being arrested) and her car towed. Well, this didn’t sit too well with the girls, who immediately became loud and belligerent, rather than grateful. The officer took the key to the car, sent the women on their way, and awaited his tow. But as the ladies sauntered down Train Street, they continually activated the car’s alarm by remote control on a key ring. As the officer walked toward the cackling passengers to retrieve the alarm control, he observed the driver squatting down in a Train Street driveway, pants at her ankles, answering the call of nature. She was quickly placed under arrest – as soon as she was finished. All they had to do was quietly walk away, but noooo. Idiots.
July 6, 4:49 a.m.
Officer Araica responded to the area of the old Chocolate Factory apartments on Adams Street for a report of a suspicious man looking into another man’s apartment window. On arrival, the officer observed the victim’s 27-year-old neighbor standing outside and looking into the caller’s window. The victim came out and stated that he saw the suspect staring at him while he folded his laundry. The suspect was vigorously moving one hand inside of his pants while blowing kisses at the victim with the other hand. The suspect was placed under arrest and found in his possession was a plastic water bottle filled with white wine. Is this some new fad I’m not aware of?
July 11, 2:25 p.m.
Officers responded to a call for a person with a gun at Dorchester Avenue and Freeport Street. On arrival, they spoke to a female who stated that while she sat in a friend’s car waiting for her to return from a local gas station she began to stare at a man or woman (she couldn’t tell) who was walking toward her. This person was six-feet-four-inches tall, wearing a small white shirt, peach colored pants, and sporting extremely large breasts. At this time the um, ah, person said, “I’ll give you something to look at!†It was at this point that the suspect whipped out a large, black handgun and pointed it at the victim, who began to dial 911 on her cell phone as the suspect began to run, first behind the gas station, then across Dorchester Avenue to East Street. He was quickly apprehended, identified ,and arrested. A black Airsoft pellet gun was located behind the gas station. The 28-year-old Dorchester man was charged with assault by means of a dangerous weapon.
July 22, 5:30 p.m.
The call was for the report of a robbery opposite the Ashmont MBTA station. The officers met up with the victim near Bailey Street. He stated that he was accosted at Dorchester Avenue and Fuller Street by a tall man, early 20s, crooked teeth who threatened to beat the victim with a 40-ounce beer bottle if he didn’t hand over his valuables ($6 cash). The officers proceeded back to the scene of the crime and who should be standing there but our suspect, who raised his arms and declared, “I give up.†If they were all that easy.
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Congratulations to Pat and Wally and Happy B-day to Mike. Also, it’s hard to believe it has been a year and the pain is just as severe as that awful night. Kaitlyn we miss you so, so much. R.I.P., our princess.
