As I approach the end of life, I continue to wrestle with the ultimate dilemma. What does it all mean? Is there a design and purpose to existence or is it all the result of a cataclysmic explosion, giving rise to a sequence of evolutionary developments over millennia, ultimately producing humans. Or was it all created by a loving, merciful, eternal God and, if so, to what purpose.
I desperately want to believe in a purposeful existence. For without it, where would love, truth, compassion, mercy, and justice come from and what would they mean? Would what we know as virtues simply have developed as part of the evolutionary process or do they reflect a higher wisdom, a force beyond our comprehension – a creator who, for reasons beyond our capacity to understand, created and oversees mankind’s often feeble efforts to live virtuous lives?
Why would the creator choose to make us so weak, so frail, and often incapable of living a purposeful life – while knowing in advance the consequences of such an existence? How could the God of love and mercy allow the wars, plagues, natural disasters, suffering, and death that are strewn throughout human history?
It is a stretch to believe that He is punishing mankind for such egregious offenses that he sent his only son to earth to suffer and die on a cross to redeem humanity and thereby offer salvation to righteous believers, Why the test? Why the challenge? Is it all because he was disrespected or denied by his creatures? Is an all-knowing, merciful God capable of vengeance i.e. eternal damnation?
As the parable goes, God created Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (i.e. paradise) but banished them when they offended him by eating the forbidden fruit. Why? When an all-knowing Deity would know they would disobey and He would then have to send Jesus to die on the cross to redeem them and all mankind.
The alternate explanation is also difficult to comprehend: That the universe exists by chance, with no overarching design or purpose. It just happened from stuff, floating in space. But, then where did space and stuff come from? Did life just emerge over millions of years, evolve into many forms and ultimately produce humans? Was creation intelligible or incidental?
Primitive mankind assumed the existence of a God or gods (i.e. sun, moon, wind, animals and idols) to explain what appeared incomprehensible. The need for a deeper understanding of their circumstances was refined for many over thousands of years to a Holy Spirit or unitary deity, an intelligible force that created and maintained life and all its elements, meaning that those things did not just happen by chance, that there is a design and purpose, often indiscernible, to it all.
But why all the suffering? Knowing the consequences of creation, would a loving, merciful, compassionate God create an obstacle course to test mankind’s devotion. Why the need to earn salvation rather than offer it as a gift?
I certainly don’t know why, but, then, I am only a human and as such ill equipped to understand what it all means. Who am I to judge God with my little human brain? I cannot believe “beyond a reasonable doubt.” But coupled with faith, which I define as the affirmation of hope, I can believe “by a fair preponderance of the evidence,” that there is intelligent design and purpose behind existence.
Perhaps I have bet on Blaise Pascal’s Wager” – What have you got to lose? If there is no afterlife, you’ll never know it. But, if you’re wrong and there is, what a relief! Or maybe I simply have to believe that there is a purpose to it all beyond my comprehension and cling to faith.
Faith is a choice. I choose to believe and acknowledge Christianity, as represented in the Beatitudes, as the inspired definition of what it means to love thy neighbor and, in so doing, acknowledge a higher power.
James W. Dolan is a retired Dorchester District Court judge who now practices law.
