Keep those letters to the editor coming, my loyal readers. One in particular was as entertaining as fingernails across a chalkboard. Still, my friends and colleagues have had endless laughs on your behalf. Imagine calling someone who is involved in criminal activity a criminal! How gauche! Oh well, time to report on some more nitwits who prey upon the weak, the young, the elderly, and the good citizens of our little slice of heaven, Dorchester, USA.
Oct. 10, 8 p.m.
Officers from the C-11 Drug Control Unit observed a man they had had previous dealings with pacing back and forth on Dot Ave. in Fields Corner.
A blue Toyota pulled up and the gent got in. The vehicle traveled a short distance up Dorchester Ave. and the suspect in question suddenly hopped out. The officers, feeling that a drug deal had just occurred, stopped the suspect, but he wasn’t in the best of moods so he pushed one officer and sprinted away, running right into the arms of a second plainclothes officer. While being cuffed, he was asked why the rude behavior and he stated, “I’m a dead beat, I have a warrant for not paying child support.” Now just for the record, all you bleeding hearts, I didn’t call this loser a deadbeat; he did that himself. Also, the two bags of cocaine in his pants pocket probably figured in his flight plans, too. He was charged with four different crimes. I bet his offspring could have used the money he spent on the drugs.
Sept. 16, noon
Officers were on patrol in Codman Square when they observed that the vehicle in front of them didn’t have any plates. So they put on their blue lights and pulled the car over at 570 Washington St. The 47-year-old local lass demanded to know why she had been stopped before she would turn over her license and registration. The officers explained that her vehicle needed a legit registration and plate affixed to her car. But in her best Perry Mason imitation, she retorted, “I am not driving for hire, therefore I don’t need a plate. Officer you don’t know the law!” The woman put the car in drive and drove up Washington Street and pulled into a parking lot where she was stopped again, and again she offered her crazy logic.
“According to Mass. legislation I don’t need a plate.” But she does need a lawyer because she was arrested for failure to submit and several other auto law violations.
Nov. 20, 8:50 a.m.
This one reminds me of a Monty Python sketch. A woman was walking from the Shawmut MBTA station toward Codman Square when she was approached by a man with buck teeth who was wearing a black ski mask (sounds like a beloved ‘70s cartoon character). He asked to use the woman’s cell phone, which she obliged. The man attempted numerous times to connect to “a friend” without much success. The woman retrieved her phone and continued walking.
As the woman neared the 700 block of Washington Street, the man, with all the charm of a mosquito, approached the woman again and for a third time asked to use her phone. Clearly perturbed, the woman told the man “no!” The man now took off the ski mask, pulled out a knife, and stated, “How about I take it from you.” He then pushed the lady up against a parked car and demanded her iPhone 7. The woman responded by punching the idiot suspect in the stomach, and the coward yelled out “Owww, don’t do that I just got shot there!!” He then fled without the cell phone down Codman Square. You just can’t make these stories up.
Oct. 29, 1:45 a.m.
Now this one has an actual cartoon character in it, for real. A woman was sitting in her car on Grampian Way when she observed an improbable sight walking toward her. A 6-foot, 200-pound bright yellow Sponge Bob Squarepants wearing a knee brace was swinging a pair of crutches at parked vehicles including hers. Armed with the victim’s description, officers quickly found a very intoxicated 19-year-old Newton man in a Sponge Bob costume staggering up Savin Hill Ave. Officers also located five vehicles that had had their side mirrors recently smashed off. The suspect was arrested and charged with Destruction of Property (5x) over $250. He was later bailed out by Squidward and taken back to Bikini Bottom.
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C-11’s Christmas Party for Dorchester’s still believers is Dec. 15, and as usual it is by invitation only for those kids 0-12 whose families don’t have much. Anyone looking to contribute new unwrapped toys please call the CSO office, 617-343-4524. Those who are interested in helping to wrap the gifts please call yours truly at 4524 and thanks. Dorchester always comes through for us.
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To Aidan, Maclin, Mari, and Kylie, Nana and Papa miss you more than you’ll ever know. With you four in Arizona, Christmas back here will seem like just another day.
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Editor’s Note: Since this newspaper’s earliest days in the 1980s, we have offered space for the command of the C-11 Boston Police district to submit a column about their activities. In the last year, the Reporter has received and published several letters from readers who have been critical of both the tone of the District 11 column’s author and of our decision to publish his reports. We stand by our original decision to run the report when it is submitted because it adds a voice to our pages from a critical part of the community that we cover, namely, the Boston Police. We want the Reporter to be a medium for exchanging views and opinions, even if we don’t always agree with them. As ever, we welcome readers to offer their input as well via letters to the editor.
– Bill Forry
